forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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Be still, my beating vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize