Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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