And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize