i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize