Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
