It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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