thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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