and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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