Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize