saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The uberlube is also flammable
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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