It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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