Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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