Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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