My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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