It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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