How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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