I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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