there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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