Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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