just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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