She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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