The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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