LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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