Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize