I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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