the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize