I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize