I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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