And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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