She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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