1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize