First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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