she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize