we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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