Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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