did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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