I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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