wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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