You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize