Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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