I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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