i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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