me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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