Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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