Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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