They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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