so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize