So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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