So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
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new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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