so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize