you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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