I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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